1、有人问我为什么还不睡，我惊了，我是保安啊，我能睡吗？我睡了这个朋友圈的安全谁来管。
Someone asked me why I didn"t sleep. I was shocked. I was a security guard. Can I sleep? Who is in charge of the safety of the wechat moment when I sleep.
2、我已经不是那个花五百块都要考虑很久的小女孩了，我最近花五块钱都得深思熟虑。
I"m not the little girl who has to think about 500 yuan for a long time. I have to think about it carefully when I spend five yuan recently.
3、明明是个富二代，我却每天挤公交，明明可以开豪车，我却每天挤公交，这就是我和明明的区别。
Mingming is a rich second generation, but I squeeze buses every day. Mingming can drive luxury cars, but I squeeze buses every day. This is the difference between me and Mingming.
4、各位美女，明天下午六点前缴纳美女费，每人5.2元，丑的不用交，你看着交。
Ladies and gentlemen, the beauty fee will be paid before 6:00 tomorrow afternoon, 5.2 yuan per person, and the ugly one is not required to pay. You pay as the case may be.
5、跟你聊天还不如跟淘宝客服聊天，不仅回复信息快，还会叫我亲爱的。
It"s better to chat with Taobao customer service than to chat with you. It"s not only quick to reply, but also to call me dear.
6、人被逼急了，什么都可以做出来，唯独数学题不行。
If people are forced to rush, anything can be done, except for math problems.
7、我有个压箱底的笑话，但是我把钥匙弄丢了。
I have a joke at the bottom of the box, but I lost my key.
8、从来不相信一见钟情，但是照镜子的时候动摇了。
I never believe in love at first sight, but I waver when I look in the mirror.
9、听说经常看武打片能减肥，因为里面经常说：你瘦死吧！
It"s said that often watching martial arts movies can lose weight, because it often says: you"re skinny to death!
10、有没有人喜欢干净的女孩子，我把钱花干净了。
Does anyone like clean girls? I"ve spent all my money.
11、只有弱者在分手时才痛哭流涕，我们强者都是抱着对方的大腿让他寸步难移。
Only the weak break up in tears, we, the strong are holding each other"s thighs, let him move.
12、下雨了，我很担心你有没有带伞，如果带了这雨就白下了。
It"s raining. I"m worried if you"ve brought your umbrella. If you do, it"ll be in vain.
图片来源@汐音手绘
