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女朋友第一次做饭，我暗下决心，无论什么味道，我都要吃得一干二净，但就当我将筷子伸向螃蟹时，它夹住了我的筷子。
When my girlfriend cooked for the first time, I secretly decided that I would eat all the food, no matter what the taste, but when I reached for the crab, it caught my chopsticks.
我去庙里烧香拜佛，问大师求支签多少钱，大师说出家人不说钱，说缘。感动之余问大师什么缘？大师说：三百元。
I went to the temple to burn incense and worship Buddha, and asked the master how much it cost to ask for a donation. The master told me that his family didn"t say money, but said fate. I was very moved to ask the master what fate it was. The master said: 300 yuan.
昨晚做梦梦见神问我，想不想少奋斗十年，我连忙说想，神点点头，拿出生死薄给我划掉了十岁。
Last night, I dreamt that God asked me if I wanted to fight for ten years less. I hurriedly said yes, but God nodded, took out my life and death book and crossed out ten years for me.
我给你说，我昨天晚上梦见我失恋了，然后伤心了一个上午，中午才发现我连对象都没有。
I tell you, I dreamt that I was lovelorn last night, and then I was sad all morning. At noon, I found that I didn"t even have a partner.
我跟我妈说：我想跟王一博结婚，然后我妈回我：你想想看，如果他知道人生的尽头是你，他还会这么努力认真的生活吗？
I said to my mother: I want to marry Wang Yibo, and then my mother replied to me: think about it, if he knew that the end of life is you, would he still work so hard to live a serious life?
开车默默跟在她婚车后面许久，手机响了，是她。她说就到这吧，我哭着问她：你怎么知道我在后面，她说：你的拖拉机太响了。
Driving silently behind her wedding car for a long time, the phone rang, it was her. She said that"s it. I cried and asked her: How did you know I was behind? She said: Your tractor is too loud.
跟朋友吃饭时旁边的婴儿一直哭，搞得我很烦，朋友说都不容易，让我换位思考下，现在我坐在了婴儿车里，还是觉得有点烦。
When eating with friends, the baby next to me kept crying, which made me very annoyed. My friends said that it was not easy for everyone, so let me think differently. Now I am sitting in the stroller, and I still feel a little annoyed.
图片来源@李李哈
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