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1、要是个是一个非常实用的小工具，至少它可以让你把一次把所有的钥匙都掉光。
If it is a very practical tool, at least it can let you drop all the keys at one time.
2、你打篮球受过的最严重的一次伤是什么？中场休息的时候，看着对手的女朋友喂他喝水。
What is the most serious injury you have ever suffered in playing basketball? At half-time, I watched my opponent"s girlfriend feed him water.
3、人生有得必有失，我有一个朋友嫁给了一个很有钱的老公，从此就失去了没钱的烦恼。
There are gains and losses in life. I have a friend who married a rich husband and lost the trouble of having no money.
4、如果有一天我突然不见了，你会想起我吗？哪怕就是那么简单的一句，我爹呢？
If one day I suddenly disappear, will you think of me? Even if it"s that simple, where"s my father?
5、在外面缺钱用的，一定要过来找我，我一定会告诉你，我也没有。
If you are short of money outside, you must come to me. I will tell you that I don"t have any.
6、只有丑的才谈恋爱，我们美的卖电磁炉，空调，冰箱。
Only ugly people fall in love. Midea sells induction cooker, air conditioner and refrigerator.
7、在网吧打游戏，保洁阿姨来到我身边说：这个水瓶...
我：不喝了，阿姨你拿走吧。
阿姨：不是，我是说你这个水平挺菜的。
Playing games in Internet cafes, cleaning aunt came to me and said: this water bottle
Me: No, auntie, you can take it.
Aunt: No, I mean your level is very good.
8、我儿子有一次问我，为什么烟盒上写着吸烟有害健康，你还吸烟。我吐了口烟圈跟他说，你们寒假作业上不也写着假期快乐吗？
My son once asked me why it was written on the cigarette case that smoking is harmful to health, and you still smoke. I vomited a cigarette ring and said to him, don"t you have a happy holiday on your winter vacation homework?
9、小时候觉得自己长大了就可以拯救世界，长大了才发现这个世界都拯救不了我。
When I was a child, I felt that I could save the world when I grew up. When I grew up, I found that the world could not save me.
10、好希望自己喜欢的人可以用钱买到，这样我就彻底死心了。
I hope that the people I like can buy it with money, so I will give up completely.
11、我还是忘不掉他，每次路过殡仪馆都以为烧的是他。
I still can"t forget him. Every time I pass by the funeral home, I think it"s him that burned.
12、明天第一次见家长，好紧张，不知道叔叔阿姨的脾气好不好，好不好说话，毕竟是我先动手打了人家的孩子。
I"m very nervous when I see my parents for the first time tomorrow. I don"t know whether my uncle and aunt are good tempered or not. After all, I beat other people"s children first.
13、你不用故作冷淡，我没有想过继续纠缠你，最后一次了，真的，帮我再砍一次拼多多。
You don"t have to pretend to be cold, I didn"t want to continue to pester you, the last time, really, help me cut again, spell more.
14、别着急，总有一个男孩手捧一束花走到你面前，然后温柔的对你说，不好意思，让一下。
Don"t worry, there is always a boy holding a bunch of flowers come to you, and then gently said to you, sorry, let me.
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